Marriage Isn’t For You
If what makes it work is what I give, rather than what I get, then what can I give that I’m not already giving to make it work better?
Today I read this most beautiful blog, and I wished I wrote it myself. In fact I wish I knew it myself before I got married, or even before I started having relationships, because so much of my giving has been about getting (something for me like love or affection or admiration or support). And what I know works, is when I just give from the purest place of making someone else feel special and loved and precious. Giving is one of my gifts, and has been one of my downfalls, because I had it tied to what would happen after I did the giving.
This afternoon I spent the last of 12 relationship mentoring sessions with a couple who have been working on their relationship with me for more than a year. They are precious, and their commitment to each other and their relationship has been evident through-out that year. At times I wondered why they had chosen to work with me, because as newly-weds they seemed pretty blissful most of the time. But their relationship is so precious, and they love, respect and admire each other so much they wanted to give whatever they could (they they may not already know) to their relationship and to each other, to set their future up for success. They came here to give. That is precious.
It seems that everything I’ve learnt from my own relationships and from working with people in relationships can be summed up so simply – “marriage isn’t for you”
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
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